Monday, December 24, 2018

marriage - What do I need to make a Jewish wedding?


What do I need to make a Jewish wedding?



Answer




A marriage license from your state.


Two witnesses. They must be mitzva-observant, adult Jewish men, not related to each other or the bride or groom, nor otherwise disqualified due to incapacity or unsavory conduct.


A rabbi who knows what he's doing. While in theory, all that's needed is two witnesses, a rabbi should be there to make sure everything's done correctly. He also is needed (in the USA) to sign your state marriage paperwork. (The state's definition of rabbi varies from state to state, by the way.) The rabbi can be one of the witnesses.


A ring. (Could actually be another item of intrinsic value, but usually a ring). Usually gold, platinum or even silver, but make sure everyone understands what it is and what it's worth. Should be plain and unengraved (well often they have a small engraving inside, something like "14K", that's not a problem.) A simple design that doesn't cost any more and they can mass-produce is okay (so it can be plain-plain, or have a milgrain edge or the like). (Heard from Rabbi Bleich.)


A Ketubah. Need to have the right names and such to fill it out. Here's one you can download; here are some others. Oh, and a pen. Preferably a permanent, fade-resistant one.


A Tenaim document is optional, though traditional.
While the couple can determine asset allocation any way they see fit, a specialized prenup regarding Halachic divorce is strongly recommended (and required by many rabbis).


A cup of wine, for making blessings. (Some use two cups; go ahead and bring the whole bottle if you can.) White wine is increasingly popular as it's less likely to stain. Mevushal is popular as that's one less thing that can go wrong. A book containing the blessings -- the rabbi should have that.


The rabbi, groom, best man (if you have one, or any buddy of the groom's who's handy), or someone else nearby should have a handkerchief.


A chupa. The easiest version is just a Tallis and 4 poles. Most florists can provide you with a canopy, that works too.



Whenever possible, ten adult, Jewish men to be present for the event. (You already had two witnesses, so you only need eight more men.)


A cup (for breaking), a plate (for breaking, if you do the Tenaim), and some ashes (for putting on the groom's head).


Oh yeah; it would be nice if you had a groom (for putting ashes on), and a bride (for putting a ring on). Details, details ...


Anything else I'm forgetting?


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