What is the proper response when someone tells you, for example, that their mother has died? Relatedly, what should you do to express your sympathy? Do you send a card? flowers? bake a casserole?
Answer
There is a common phrase for that.
ご愁傷さまです - go shuushou sama desu
For example
お母上が亡くなられご愁傷さまです I'm very sorry about your mother's death
Regarding sending something, there is a special custom in Japan called [香典]{こうでん} - giving money to remaining family members with the purpose of offering it to the departed soul. (Originally, this was used as an alternative of [香華]{こうか} - incense and flowers)
In my experience, I have seen this two times: one for a colleague's mother, and one for someone from another department. In both cases, another colleague started to collect money and put it in an envelope to give to them.
And there is another custom, [香典返し]{こうでんがえし}, which refers to getting back some present/food from them.
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