Saturday, September 28, 2019

sexuality - Remedy for Desire for a Married Woman


Background:


We are all human and sometimes tend towards the evil inclination. At times we successfully fight against the inappropriate feelings, thoughts, actions, etc. At other times we don't do so well. For example, I, a Jewish man, am extremely attracted to a married Jewish women whom I work with (but not in the same office.)


The reasons for my attraction are numerous and believe it or not, it isn't only about sex appeal. I do not deny that I find her REALLY good looking, but there is a holistic element to my attraction. We communicate so well, we share many common interests, we share personal information (NOT of a sexual nature), she is intelligent and well educated, she loves children, she is a kind-hearted person who expresses empathy towards others, we understand each other's off-center sense of humor. I can go on and on. She is, however, married to a non-Jewish man by whom she has a young daughter, but she still has some connection with Judaism. Obviously (?) she is not my bersheit but in many ways I feel as if she is.


Now I assure you that I would NEVER act on my yatzer harah, but the desire is so strong at times that it causes me distress and guilt. If she were to get divorced, I'd be hitting on her in an instant. If she felt the same towards me, well Mazel Tov to both of us. That would solve part of the problem although that would not absolve me of my current sinful urges.


My question:


So I am wondering, are there any Jewish sources that offer specific actions or prayers to repent for having inappropriate desire for a married woman? In addition, are there any Jewish sources that recommend ways to avoid/suppress the feelings?


Keep in mind I am not concerned with generalized attraction towards women I come in contact with on a daily basis. That's a different story altogether (addressed in this question and this question). My concern is about having strong feelings for one particular woman.




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